high amplitude anti-phase transverse waveforms

today wasn't a very... joyful... day. but wasn't too bad overall.
spent a rather pleasant afternoon running errands in Clementi with Edmond.. and had a rather nice time taking pictures and eating pizza with the exco and foc comm. after sunset prayer:

food! (and shawn... -__-)

i wonder what interesting story sharon was telling this time...

guess whose i/c?

er... very comfortable to squat meh?

in any case i was pretty concussed by that time..(thanks to the medicine)
i suppose some things affect me more than they should. but those things aren't very worth blogging about.
also, God's plan is perfect. i just have to learn how to trust.

May, June, July, August... or thereabouts

I think there's really nothing much I want to say about what I've been up to since I last blogged. Remembering one of the reasons I set up this blog in the first place - so that you people can have the benefit of knowing what's been going on in my life - now seems to me an unsubstantial reason to continue blogging. Make me talk to you please (I know I don't always make it easy).

In any case, blogging about things I can't make head or tail off.. and when things are just running crazily through my head isn't very effective either. So I'll just kinda let the pictures speak for themselves as much as possible.

May 24th to 30th 2005 - East Asia Regional Conference 2005 @ Kinasih Cemerlang Conference Centre, Indonesia

We are Singapore!

Small Group 2


June 1st to 4th 2005 - VCF LPC 2005 @ TH

Dr Loo


June 10th to 11th 2005 - VCFFOC Comm. Retreat @ Bethany EFC


June 16th to 18th 2005 - BEFC Youth Camp 2005 @ Costa Sands


June 28th 2005 - Bizad VCF FG @ Olio



July 2nd 2005 - Baptism




July 5th to 8th 2005 - VCFFOC 2005 @ TH

Day 0 @ Ian's
We're never short of good food!

Day 0 @ Ian's
2am: Learning theme song

Day 1: Rooming done AT LAST!

Can you spot yourself?

The (Incomplete) Comm. with (more) food (soon)

The Prayer Scroll unveiled




July 13th 2005 - Popiah @ The Movies





*erhmm*


July 16th 2005 - 413 Gathering @ Joy's








17th July 2005 - 1 day in advance of 20!



The proposal. soon to come: liposuction in Hawaii?


July 25th to 28th 2005 - NUS Matriculation Fair 2005




July 29th to August 4th 2005 - Bizad Orientation Week 2005

Rossi!
yummiyulius?

The Flag






13th August 2005 - Social Entrepreneurship Forum 2005



Some of the Comm.

*deep breath* yeah. that about sums up my 3 months of "holidays", and then some... quoting my dad, who always makes some cryptic remark annually in my birthday card: "Many words said, many deeds done. Trials and tribulations..." (yes. thats exactly what was in there, not a word more, not a word less. *huh?*). I think I've learnt a lot this past holiday, and I sure hope I remember the many lessons learnt, and pray that through all this, God has made me a better person.

So for all you impatient buggers out there, hope this is more than enough for the time being...

venting =)

i just need to vent.

1. Baptism is in 2 days. and i have yet to write my testimony.
   (2nd July, Saturday. Service is at 5.30pm. At Bethany Evangelical Free Church, 133 Fidelio St. Anyone & everyone is invited! i'd be really happy to see you there, whoever you are..)


2. 1/3 of my musicians can't make it for service this saturday. so i have to come up with a new lineup of songs. and call up everyone who's involved - adults, youths, kids.


3. The worship team schedule i'm supposed to do up for the next 1/2 of the year is due. no, actually its overdue. and the next 1/2 of the year begins effectively.. in 1 day's time?


4. Then there's the EFC All Asia Conference worship slot. its in september, but well. the youth team needs practice. and we don't even have 10 saturdays to practice from now til november, what with normal worship slots and all. so we're starting.. this saturday?


5. FOC is in 5 days. and we've got tonnes of happy work to do! registrations, accomodation, groupings, information dissemination, camp booklets, contacting speakers, acquiring sufficient facilities, making sure we have games materials, planning games(!).. wah.. haha.. crazy lar. but fun. and the Lord has been so good :)


6. After FOC will be preparation for matriculation fair. am sitting on the comm representing bizad.. cos..no one else is.. free?


7. Then after that will be preparation for the Bizad Orientation Week.. helping out with manpower/councillor/seniors recruitment issues. have been arrowed vice-chair of the manpower subcomm cos everyone else is working..


8. After which will be preparations for the Social Entrepreneurship Forum, on the 13th of August. i've been arrowed secretary of the comm. but haven't been doing much cos of other commitments. feel really quite bad abt it since i gave my word to help out in sem1.. and moreover, its quite a big thing for a worthwhile cause.. and social entrepreneurship is something i wanna go into when i'm a bit older.. and more well off.. haha

and that's not even counting other stuff like how i need to help look after my dad also.. after that stupid motorcyclist tried to snatch the bag strapped to the back off my dad's bike while he was on a cycling trip in jb.. dad got flung off and consequently suffered a small skull fracture and blood clots and a cut to the back of his head. he's still so dizzy and can hardly even walk steadily.. don't know why the hospital discharged him also!

but even in these things, can really see God's hand in it.. despite all the busyness.. i've just got this strange feeling of joy in my heart.. although i can't physically see God's work.. and He's works in so many ways we cannot see or imagine.. i can't help but recognise His hand in how my life has turned out so far... and i can't help but KNOW that God is at work.. and i'm just happy living the life that i know He's got planned out ahead of even when i was born or conceived.. and God's just been reminding me that all i have to do is to trust and obey, to deny myself and to let Him take over... and as i learn to let go.. however gradually, He just increases this joy.. haha.. how ironic is that? yet how right it feels!

Trust and obey,
cos' there's no other way
to be happy in Jesus,
but to trust and obey!

to: my dear fellow FOC!!! comm-ers

phew! finally get the time to sit down and blog abt the nice weekend that's just passed..

had foc comm retreat on fri and sat at befc.. had a really nice time of fellowship and getting to know the other comm members better.. man it was hilarious.. had a great time of prayer and sharing and just talking nonsense on friday night, after a nice dinner at the used-to-be-daryn's-kitchen-but-now-called-deutsche-kitchen place.. like wert?! haha.. while listening to ian make a sick cow sing.. er.. i mean.. play the cello. most of us decided we were gonna knock out by 3plus am.. but yesyes ian gravitated towards the hall.. sat down behind the clavinova.. and the rest is as they say, history. more about that night on clare's and matt's blogs... saturday morning was spent planning planning planning.. work has suddenly ballooned for everyone, which i say is good.. cos now everyone knows everything thats going on in all the other portfolios, and we're communicating with each other more and can all help out with the workload. shout outs to brian, ruthann, james and vincent for coming down to encourage and support us!! :)

but yes. today, had dinner in the EAST! with alicia, matt, shawn and joce.. bak chor mee at bedok north. yum. and rojak. and popiah. and carrot cake. and honey sea coconut. and red ruby. and sugarcane. and barley for joce. hehe. oh fat. but but! alicia and i have come to the MARVELOUS conclusion that we should make shawn, joce, daph and clare the mcs for talentnight!!! muahahhaha! the perfect combi. shawn and joce can bicker, daph can do her "but shawn, your name.. you see, your name is not on the list! so shawn, what does that mean? *big innocent eyes*" thing.. and clare can just scold shawn non-stop for i dunno. for anything at all! hahhaha.. perfect! brilliant! no? hilarious. and alicia. THROW AROUND A LIVE BLACK CHICKEN FOR CAPTAIN'S BALL?!?!

so oh my dearest fellow comm members.. i really thank God for you guys..its such a pleasure working with you all.. am enjoying it immensely! here’s to more great times ahead! haha.. can't wait for wednesday... ! ;p (grace, do get well soon! william, oh what are we gonna do w/o you?)

carry me please...

there's this deadweight in my chest i just can't seem to get rid of.
its just so tiring carrying it around.
Lord, won't you take it from me?

You who are strong and mighty,
would You wrestle it away from Your stubborn child?
or shatter it to pieces, sweeping it away bit by bit?

oh Lord, because i don't think i can take it anymore
You know better than i do the hopes dreams yearning disappointments inadequacy pain
Lord, will You carry them for me?
Lord, will You carry me?

O_o

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

liar (NOT!)

*glare*

i figure i should post something (as well).

harrumph.

and if you're one of those (ok only one lar i'm sure, the rest of "those" would not react like that) going "sorry sorry sorry!", well, don't. you know i don't really mean that ;)




love ya'll! *muackz* (okok no physically fit physically fit blahblah.)
- lonesome ;p

safe in a crazy world - corrinne may

hmm.. haven't posted anything in like. EONS.
so i guess i'll just put something up to fill the space..

oh hrm.. bought the latest Corrinne May cd recently - Safe In A Crazy World - after looking forward to it for like foreverrrrr... i really enjoyed her first album - Fly Away. her albums are really wonderful to listen to while just "drinking coffee and dreaming", as this guy writes in his review of one of her 'live' shows in the US. she's just got this soothing Sarah Mclachlan kinda voice that goes really well with the easy-on-the-ears sentimental ballads she writes and sings.. the pieces are often just really simply arranged, centred around a piano or guitar line.. but at the same time, she's not afraid to try out more up-tempo pieces, often with really quirky lyrics.. (clement insists the lyrics are not "cute", as i had put it earlier..) yeah, the other thing abt Corrinne May is that she writes beautiful lyrics, ok, not really beautiful per se, but she writes in a way that makes you see something you've known all along in a new and refreshing light.. and i just really like the way she puts things..the ballad-y songs just bring you into this -surreal- kinda mood.. and 1 or 2 songs in her first album made me tear a couple of times during certain times in my life.. an exerpt:

what if i woke up, and couldn't hear a sound?
and all that i could see, was darkness all around?
that would still be nothing, compared to what i'd feel..
if you didn't love me.

- If You Didn't Love Me

heh and her up-tempo songs just make you (me) feel like grinning...

i don’t know what you do to me,
but every time i’m with you it’s a natural high..
it’s like rediscovering Eden,
with chocolate coated rainbows and cotton candy skies..
and every time you look my way,
i wish i had the guts to say:

there’s something in your eyes, something in your smile,
something in the way you move me..
you make me want to sing, you make me want to dance,
you make me want to cry, i’m falling in love with you

i think i’ll hire Cupid,
to make you see i’m more than your friend.
you’ll be tossing and turning,
counting the hours til’ you see me again..
and when we meet you’ll kiss my hand,
and say the words i want to hear

there’s something in your eyes, something in your smile,
something in the way you move me..
you make me want to sing, you make me want to dance,
you make me want to cry, i’m falling in love with you


- Something About You

yeah.. but i was talking abt her second album.. frankly speaking, i'm a leeeeeetle bit disappointed in it.. the songs are still really enjoyable, and so are the lyrics.. but i think it just lacks a leeetle bit of that something new.. Corrinne May's offerings from her 2nd album are almost exactly the same as those from her 1st album.. would have loved if she'd just tried something new, something that gives listeners a pleasant surprise.. that little refreshing 2nd look at the artiste and discovering something new.. would have just made the album so much more satisfying and complete.. oh but i love that this album has a bit more in the way of nice piano lines and riffs (i know guitar riffs.. is there such a term as piano riffs? but yeah you get the idea).. sweet. :) an exerpt:

I try to smile my tears away,
I try to keep my cool.
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter,
My heart just wants to bleed and stop Believing in me.

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and i crumble and I'm sinking to my knees for you
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength to believe in me again

- Safe In A Crazy World

yup.. and the best part is that.. she's singaporean (!), though based in LA. its just great that FINALLY i can name some singaporean singer/songwriter who produces decent enough songs, and not stuff so completely commercialised or too indie alt you can't figure out what the song's supposed to be abt.. granted, some of the lyrics might seem a little fluffy, but the way Corrine May writes about her love and faith in such a way that's perfectly acceptable to the general secular world without really very purposefully or deliberately pandering to commercialism and popular demand is quite inspiring.. (she's STILL an indie artiste making the pub and cafe circuit in the US, and has just set up her own record label, tho distributing with musicstreet and some other distributors in taiwan, hk, japan and US, she probably won't be indie very much longer, oh pity.)

but ok, lest you think i'm simply GUSHING abt Corrinne May, i'm not okayyyyyyy. i really enjoy her music, but i just also think we should support decent singaporean artistes.. its completely sad that local artistes see the need to go overseas to launch their careers, as if they need to prove themselves in a foreign place before their own country-pple can accept their music. and its just so... hypocritical... to proudly proclaim that the singer is local! oh she's singaporean!! after she's made it big overseas and get her to come back and like.. grace events, sing national day songs.. whatever. and the worst part is, everything turns out so commercialised so as to appeal to the masses and so they can make it big overseas.. and urgh. sad lar.

ok so anyway, i think the album Safe In A Crazy World grows on you.. and to listen to Corrinne May's 1st album, you can go to her website (already linked above, or in my sidebar).. you can find her 2nd album out in stores now. so.


all songs mentioned in this post are copyrighted by Corrinne May

heh its tomorrow.

Your True Birth Month Is September

Thinking Sensitive Secretive Systematic Understanding Good memory Calm and cool Does work well Likes to criticize Loves wide things Kind and sympathetic Hardly shows emotions Concerned and detailed Able to motivate oneself Suave and compromising Clever and knowledgeable Quiet but able to talk well Tends to bottle up feelings Loves to look for information Trustworthy, loyal and honest Careful, cautious and organized Choosy especially in relationships Loves sports, leisure and traveling Must control oneself when criticizing Likes to point out people's mistakes

What's Your True Birth Month?

ok last one! i promise!

heh.. last one for today that is...

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame! When you're up, you're a little bit crazy... And when you're down, your whole world is crashing Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

blogthings are addictive

Your Birthdate: July 18

Your birthday on the 18th day of the month suggests than you are one who can work well with a group, but still remain someone who needs to maintain individual identity. There is a humanistic or philanthropic approach to business circumstances in which you find yourself. You may have good executive abilities, as you are very much the organizer and administrator. You are broad-minded, tolerant and generous; a compassionate person that can inspire others with imaginative ideas. Some of your feelings may be expressed, but even more of them are apt to be repressed. There is a lot of drama in your personality and in the way you express yourself to others. Oddly enough, you don't expect as much in return as you give.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

hmmmmmm.. heh.. interestingly enough sounds pretty accurate..
but aiyoh.. these things ah.. i think there's a bit of everyone that's like that right.. so this could basically apply to anyone who was told this is what their birthdate means, whatever it is.. i think reading it just highlights the times when you're like that.. at then you end up going "yeah yeah.. hey this is pretty accurate!"
heh.. but its still quite pleasantly surprising to find something that seems to describe you so well.. :p heh.

so normal..

You Are 40% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

eh i dunno.. i can't make up my mind whether i think i shd be more normal or less. what do you think?

(not) getting ditzified, i hope.

before i forget how it feels...

do you know how horrible it feels to realise that your mental and emotional stability can be so easily and drastically affected by a person?

its driving me crazy. urgh. disgusted, exasperated, frustrated with myself. i can't even begin to figure out what THAT is supposed to mean.. even the litchie rich from fuzion isn't helping. shd've gotten my favourite strawberry o'cha instead.. might probably have done a better job. grrr... girls (teo & mic included - my darling girlfriends all...), i'm turning into a ditz who isn't even qualified to be a ditz, for those of you who get what i mean. i'm hopeless.




but well, for the record, there is a gp of pple who can do that to me, as a gp or individually.. but well yes, today i'm just talking abt one person. ok or 2. but for totally different reasons.. but well i'm actually getting really affected by 1 only.. aaah trash that. *chuckle* i can't believe i'm doing this. ok, cryptic post. just for kicks. i dunno.

whatever lar.

CLARIS SHI JIAYI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOI!!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THAT?!
NO WONDER I SAW SOME BLOGGER.COM ADDRESS WHEN I CAME BACK FROM MY BATH. YOOOOOOOOU!

grrrrr...

for the record,
1. Claris is NOT the most important person in my life.
2. I will NOT fall at her feet in adoration and look only to her for the rest of my life.
3. She is NOT smart and gorgeous and lovely.
4. And i REFUSE to swoon at her feet.

but that said,

Clarey poo you're one of the most important people in my life, well y'know, toni (hey work with me here toni..) would most positively dagger-ize me if i let you say you were the single most important person in my life.. and there's all that consideration for my sister and mum and dad and *erhmm* future most important person in my life and all. ^_^

and also, i think you're VERY smart and gorgeous and lovely! ;)

and...

i love you toooooo!

ok, but i'm never gonna marry you so you can get that thought out of your head.

and yes, abt exams... yes yes yes yes mum.


(thank you dearie for forcing me to mop my floor, buy food, get fat eating food i bought myself, waste time watching silly girlie movie, get dragged out of bed with 6 hours of sleep, and getting fatter at macs.)




(heheh.. okokok. so i shall admit it. i like it now that my floor is clean, i satisfied my craving for ruffles, the thai "my girl" was absolutely sweeeeeeeeet!, and i needed to wake up early to mug.. and i didn't have to pay for brekkies/lunch at macs... and i really loved your company... I LOVE YOUUUUU!!! *MUACKZ!*)



OH AND FOR THE RECORD. I'M NOT THE BIMBO. YOU ARE.


p.s. and i'm positively gonna ignore what you said abt flopsie. "FLOPSIE"?!. sheesh. in any case, i'm as usual, -confused-, y'know.

the bimbo speaks

i love claris!!!!! she's the most impt person in my life!!!!!!!!!1
i will fall at her feet in adoration and look only to her for the rest of my life.
she's so smart and gorgeous and lovely.
swoonnnnnn.

shall ignore flopsie from now on and just look at claris. yeyyy.

flopsie mopsie and cottontail!!! =D

i love you darlinggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
if you haven't figured this out by now. *winks*

mug hard for exams!!!!!!

CLARIS SHI JIAYI

... oi. you finish your exams already doesn't mean i've started ok.
aiyooooh. what do you want me to post.

i'm mugging.
snailing.
hmm.. whats been happening in my life?
...

finding out econs is a load of nonsense.
like. why during the short-run is the portion of the MC curve above the AVC the supply curve for competitive firms?

because. through warped queenie logic, as price increases, so does the quantity that producers are willing to produce --> moving up the supply curve.
and so. as q increases, inputs must increase.
and looking at the demand curves for inputs, when demand for inputs increases, the price of the inputs must increase as well.
so. cost of inputs for producers increases, and MC increases as quantity produced increases.
hence. MC curve = supply curve.

huh!??!

now. do you see how warped the logic is. econs is a load of nonsense. everything abt econs is via observations and hypothetical data (well econs pple, correct me if i'm wrong).

yuck.

and in 6 hours, i've covered 1.5 chapters. econs is on friday. i'm so dead. 3.5 more chapters to go. and biz law on saturday (i haven't touched it yet. whoohoo! aiyah but shouldn't be that bad lar, open bk. plus got cheatsheets already. now now, don't be alarmed. cheatsheets=helpnotes. hur hur.)

ohoh. but. i've discovered nice songs. nice nice. and claris shi jiayi, how could you go gyming w/o me. & you jolly well know i'd got to aussieland with you.. but can't you pick a better time. yesyes, i know you can't. blahblah. oh poo.

titanium/tungsten/pk/cheekopek teo, WHERE IN THE WORLD HAVE YOU DISAPPEARED TO!? oi, i thought your exams ended soooooooooo long ago. how come your blog never move one.

and ant darling, are you sure you're not having some sort of clandestine relationship with our *erhmm* darling teo? tsktsk. so scandalous you two. skyping and all. so LOVE-hate. hhhhrm? ahhhh teo, why don't you go to aussieland with clarey and drop by nz to visit your good cheesecake cafe, umbrella-brandishing buddy? heheheheeh..

oh brain cells are fried. brain is scattered. cannot concentrate. still looking for and collecting all the little scattered pieces of my brain. ooooh where is my brain? oh bah.

oh and claris shi jiayi, i thought you were gonna stay over to make sure i mug. you bluff me.

pig or cow or panda or snail? princess or queen? dodo bird?!? urgh. ramble ramble ramble. ooooooh. ladida. i'm procrastinating. all your fault. ask me to update somemore. well, what else do you wanna know? the stuff you wanna know i can't write here you jolly well know that. silly girl.

I never did like the word mediocre
I never wanted it to be said of me
Just point me to the top and I'd go over
Looking for the very best that could be

So what is this thing I see
Going on inside of me
When it comes to the Grace of God
Sometimes it's like

I'm playing GameBoy standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon
I'm eating candy sitting at a gourmet feast
I'm wading in a puddle when I could be swimming in the ocean

Tell me what's the deal with me
Wake up and see the Glory

Every star in the sky tells His story
And every breeze is singing His song
All of creation is imploring
Come see this grand phenomenon

The wonder of His Grace
Should take my breath away
I miss so many things
When I'm content with

Playing GameBoy standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon
Or eating candy sitting at a gourmet feast
Or wading in a puddle when I could be swimming in the ocean

I know the time has come for me to
Wake up and see the Glory
Wake up and see the Glory, yeah

How could I trivialize it
This awesome gift of God's Grace
Once I have come to realize it
I should be speechless and amazed

Wake up
Wake up and see the Glory
Open your eyes and take it in
Wake up and be amazed
Over and over again

God's Love is coming to you and to me
Wake up, wake up
Open your eyes, yeah
Over and over again

Oh yeah

Wake up, wake up, wake up

Come on, take it in

- See The Glory by Steven Curtis Chapman

sounds familiar doesn't it.. how often do we forget the wonder that is our God?.....


...bah. ok another ueberlong post. more nice nice songs! ack. better not post all at once, else will get kokked on the head. prob already will since i've made such a long post tho i'm supposed to be studying.

happy now? :p

i've found where i belong. [BCE Appreciation BBQ day]

finally, watching the musical for the first time today.. i FINALLY get this feeling of closure.. didn't understand when pple told me they couldn't imagine what they'd do for the next few free saturday mornings and all, still don't actually.. i mean, sleep lar! :p but watching the musical brought back all those thoughts and emotions i felt during the musical and all.. how i almost cried during the final performance in the middle of act 2 cos' i finally understood what it meant to keep my focus on God even while acting..

y'know.. 3 months ago, if you told me i'd act in a musical, i'd tell you not to be ridiculous. 3 months ago, if you told me i'd know so many pple from vcf, i'd laugh right in your face.. 3 months ago, if you told me i'd find close friends in uni, i'd have smiled disbelievingly.. uni wasn't a place to get to know pple.. bizad wasn't a place to cosy up with anyone.. (still isn't as far as i'm concerned..) but tonight at the bbq.. watching the musical for the first time.. i almost cried..

the great honour of serving Him in my church worship ministry, of acting in the musical.. the great joy of getting to know so many people, of crossing paths with some people.. and walking with others.. some for a short while, and some for longer.. and yet some with whom the shared journey has not come to the part of the road where our paths diverge.. ;p

i feel so fortunate, so blessed.. i came into uni dreading it, thinking i'd just get it over and done with.. but God's shown me that there's so so so much more to life than what i perceive.. and so so so many more riches in the life He's planned out for me. seeing them revealed a little more every day.. i never could have imagined or foresaw all the wonderful things He's done in my life so far.. i just want to cry.. i don't deserve it. through the good times and the bad, He has been there with me, showing me that whatever happens, i'll always have a reason to smile when He's around.. with Him, i can walk every step with confidence and assurance, with every footstep i take, i know my foot is planted on solid ground, even on this earth which floats in the middle of nowhere and is prone to cracking ever so often.. ( *waves a hand at all those geog students* yes i know thats technically incorrect but.)

i wish i could not sound so vague. but.. there's just so much i don't know how to say.

fellowship:
of sharing food [oh yummy bbq!!]. of sharing conversation [hehe..scandals and primary school photos]. of sharing thoughts. and dreams. of sharing prayers. and singing songs of worship and praise [knocking on heaven's door?!! here i am to worship?! hmmm]. of sharing talents [i still can't stop gushing abt the musicians]. of sharing lives. of sharing strength and joy. of sharing God's blessings. of loving each other. because He loves us.

why can't they see?!?!?!? what can be better than this?!?!life would be meaningless.. and hopeless..without God, who sent His Son, so precious, to die so that we might be able to come before God again, and face Him despite all our sinful ways.. that we might have the privilege to call God our Abba, and walk our walks without having to worry about a single thing, and just be happy in all circumstances as we abide in Him, just as He planned for us to... why would you settle for anything less?!?

with God, my heart is filled, my soul satisfied, and my stomach happy. =)

thank You.

i'll sing Your praises forever..
deeper in love with You..
here in Your courts where i'm close to Your throne,
i've found where i belong...

happy landing!

i thought. i shd. on this momentous first day of proper work back from bce. post something.

i always post something when i think i shd. hm. what makes me think i shd? why shd i? what are the factors that induce me to post? ok i'm rambling. another topic for another day.

but... 1st day back in proper schooling mode, of sorts. project deadlines suddenly seem so real and prominent. the urge to hole myself up in the biz lib so strong.. its a bit scary. i'm so behind for stats, legal and especially econs.. i mean like. whats the difference between what AVC, AC, MC, MPL MPK and what have you!?!? and so, helpless and trying to look mildly intelligent during my tutorials, i cross my fingers and practice my invisibility spells. which have seemed to work so far. but then i better not count on them.

and now that bce is over, i'm reminded that although being involved in an event like bce is one way in which i can seek to honour God and to seek to glorify His name, it does not, and should not, take precedence over the other areas in my life.. like my work, and family... seeking to honour and to glorify His name should be something i work towards consistently in every part of my life and everything i do. and so, bce has been another learning experience for me.. in learning how to get my perspective on things right.

which leads me back to...
doe a deer a female deer
ray a drop of golden sun
me a name i call myself
far a long long way to run.............................
so.

i need to study.

ohoh. on another note. haha.. edmond you finally managed to sucessfully bug me to go for pgp cg. it was a really enjoyable time of dinner and fellowship and worship and bible study. (now i'm like.. 2 bible studies ahead of biz cg or smtg.. heh) thanks! (oh and thanks for your broom too.. hvaen't had the time to test-fly it yet tho)

oh and bing.. pls don't shave your hair and become a hermit ok.

and clarey babe.. am praying for your brain to turn into one of those gigantic sponges you get in the great big oceans ok? don't worry.. it'll turn out alright!! (i mean.. your head size won't expand too much lar.. i think.. i hope........... haha.. okok i mean your pros or whatever lar.)

oh i've finally semi-succeeded in posting a random and rambling post. oh i hope. ah well. yay i got gmail. though like, i don't see why i'd need it. shedrea-dot-mz@gmail.com -- she dreams? mz? mz dreams? get it get it? ok but continue sending to my hotmail lar k. gmail is for storage.. and for kicks. finally a email address other than one that starts with ihz_nim. well other than the one i had before the stupid server started making pple pay for the address. doof@heehaw.com haha.. brings back lotsa memories man.

okok. before i ramble on uncontrollably.. *shutup minzhi shutup*


*whispers*

what if i woke up.. and couldn't hear a sound?
and all that i could see.. was darkness all around?
that would all be nothing.. compared to what i'd feel..
if You didn't love... me.

- Corrinne May,
If You Didn't Love Me

and did i forget..

STILL NO CHILLI AND CHOCOLATES AND RICH STUFF BECAUSE OF THE LOUSY STOMACH! grrrrrrr........

save me from.. this crippling bane..

i feel like i'm falling apart.. like some porcelein doll, wholly incapable of keeping myself in one piece...

its unsettling how i don't seem to have control of my emotions.. which recently have been generally quite negative.. and i'm utterly disgusted with how i can let my emotions rule my behaviour all the time.. one would have thought at almost 20, i'd have better sense and discipline to do what i need to do or should do when i need or should do it. eek. as most of you reading this can attest to, i'm STILL horribly incorrigible when it comes to discipline and heck care-ness abt almost everything.. aiyah.. how how how? its not even heck care-ness man.. i just can't be bothered..

i've recently come to the realisation of why i behave this way... i think.

i think.. i've developed a habit of distancing myself from anything.. anything and everything.. nothing matters to me.. so if something ever happens, i won't feel anything.. be it grades, work, material possessions.. even relationships with other pple.. my friends, family... i dunno.. could there be any other reason for why i don't feel much for anything these days? no thoughts? no opinions? how everything just.. skims me lightly on the surface then disappears? i dunno.. i can't be sure either.. considering. yeah i dn't seem to be able to dedicate a lot of brain cells to thinking abt anything in general, much less this issue. sheesh. or am i just wallowing again.

which leads me to the other issue of always second guessing myself.. i can't seem to be sure of anything i think or feel anymore.. so i never dare to fully commit myself to anything. ack. ah why am i so bothered about me.

and another thing thats been bothering me. i have never been so sick in my life as in this past 1 year.
- starting from church camp in june.. when i had like.. severe gastric or smtg.. dunno. high fever, vomiting diarrhoea on the very 1st day of church camp.. spent the entire day in agony and wondering if the only reason God brought me to the camp was for me to have a nice super comfy resort bed to recover in... but miraculously i was up and playing frisbee the next day.. albeit appetite-less for the next 1 week.
- was still quite ok when i started uni.. until december.. when we started having more practices for the christmas cantata my church was putting up.. then i got this horrid cough/flu thing.. that lasted all the way til new year. starting sch again was ok.. until...
- mid jan.. when i got dengue fever.. 6 days in the hospital, crazy liver enzyme levels and platelet counts, endless needle poking sessions and many sleepless nights..was recovering when i got the inform from josh that i was gonna be in the bce main cast.. i remember telling him my dengue shouldn't affect my ability to act what.. after all, i still have my voice..... following which, you all shd know what happened already lar.
- i subsequently caught a cough/sore throat i dunno what from some joker who must have come to visit me while he/she had a throat infection. which has lasted like.. 2 months and is still not gone yet.. even though the musical's come and gone.. like i told josh last night, i'm sure the cough will get well now that the musical is over.. looking at the trend of things.. but
- took a nap at 6 and woke up at 8plus with a horrible horrible excruciatingly painful stomach.. had diarrhoea.. then stumbled downstairs bathed in cold sweat with the aim of getting some charcoal tablets or hot soup to calm my stomach.. but couldn't even make it to the kitchen.. fumbled on some light switch and just collapsed on a chair.. the light didn't come on (i must have hit some other switch).. was just groaning and feeling this strange vibrating feeling in my teeth and hands.. finally got driven opposite the road to see a doc.. who gave me a jab.. which is only mildly working.. i'm guessing its food poisoning from the big pau i ate before taking my nap.. probably been left outside for too long..
so yeah. have never seen such a great variety of medicine before in my life as i have in the last like.. 4 months mainly.. and i hope this trend is not gonna continue. i'm really sick and tired of being sick. really.