my mind's in a swirl now. kindof suspended in a limbo. i have no idea what to think. or blog. or whatever. but for the sake of all you guys out there wondering if mz has disappeared into the toiilet bowl, or coughed herself off a railing, or spontaneously combusted, no. I'M. STILL. HERE.(read this you hairy armpit teo! :p haha. stop thunder thighs-ing and hairy armpits-ing, you hear?)
well.
my month-long cough has finally appeared to have taken a turn for the better. thank God! still sniffling and having this inane urge to reach in and scratch my throat, but well, -better-.
argh. it feels so easy to complain abt things nowadays. how pple don't seem to think i need to do work or study. (like what. do i have a face that says "yes ask me anything, i'll agree!") when it comes down to it, i feel so torn between whats really "important" to me and what i feel i could/should give up. but you see. what you think you might see on my face more often than not is who i really am... well i think. i wanna help, i really do... -but-
i know some things need more work and commitment than others. some things i utterly enjoy devoting my time to. like BCE and rehearsals and doing well in sch (well at least some things i anticipate i'll enjoy). but it isn't fair to others i've agreed to help. i can't shortchange them by asking them to put my part of the "help" on hold. then what? helping them at the expense of my work and physiological and psychological sanity? (ok. maybe i'm chao drama lar. but i feel like it. so sue me.) eek.
but i'm reminded.
that in all things, i no longer work for myself, or for the pple i've given my word to. but for the One who matters above all. the only One who matters -period-
that whatever i do, i give my all, as an offering and effort, putting in my best, as worship to my King. i can never dream to make it worthy of Him who has watched me and brought me where i am today, who has given us a gift surpassing what anyone could ever offer.
but i will do it anyway (trying as i might), unworthy as it is, covered with blood and sweat and tears; unworthy as i am, in all my human frailty and weakness. because our Father deserves the best we have, not something which costs us nothing. and basically, because that's what i'm here for. (everyone say "Amen!")
well. long post. to those who haven't bothered to read and just scrolled to the bottom. hm. anything lor.
If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
- 2 Corinthians 13-15
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