heh and i must say it feels good, and has been really fun and enjoyable. sortof miss the days when exercise, like it or not, was mandatory - pe, netball training 10 hours plus a week... i miss the familiar ache in the muscles, proof that i DID have muscles... i miss the fun and laughter... trying new sports... the discipline in the training... becoming fitter, better, sharper...
i miss the rg days especially, when we had netball carnival every year. and how when i was in 213, we rejoiced over getting out of the bottom of the table at last. and 313 and 413, what with the 'unlucky 13', cursed classrooms and wonky computers, and how we'd only work for anything we thought we might win at.. haha.. and so we almost did.
these things bring such warm fuzzy feelings that make me consider actually going back to training properly. but what i saw at the netball game today just totally reminded me of why i left netball and to a lesser extent, raffles behind when i went to jc.
- deleted details, won't be fair to put down just my side of the story for public reading considering the worked up state i'm in now. ask me for them yourself -
the whole atmosphere of exclusivity and elitism totally turned me off. maybe i'm being really harsh here, but i say, where's the camaraderie and the sportsmanship? isn't playing sports about pushing your own limits to see how far you can go? isn't it about enjoying pushing yourself to see how far you can go? since when was it about pushing yourself just so you can belong in a league of pple you perceive to be equally superior with yourself, and excluding those whom you perceive to the inferior?
hah. call this sour grapes. or whatever. its just pple like that, caught up in their own world of superiority and status, and who display every wish to be aloof from who they consider inferior, who have always irked me... and continue to do so, whether in sports, or school, or what. that desire for recognition and to be thought far superior than others, which for a short and regrettable while in my younger days had consumed me, has now become one of the things that most irritate me, one of those things i'm still struggling to learn how to respond less drastically and negatively to.
ok maybe i'm just really upset about how this week has been. being misunderstood and getting asked whats my problem when someone didn't read the sms and observe certain things carefully and just fired up at me, getting kneed in the cheekbone near my eye and not getting an apology at all (i suppose she really might not have realised that she kicked me, but the blue-black is proof enough of it anyway), getting a really uptight umpire, getting an opponent who'd say 'thank you' when one of my teammates accidentally threw the ball in her direction (the ball was meant to go to the person behind my opponent) and who'd yell 'yay' when her team managed to intercept the ball in their goal circle... like -speechless-. *rolls eyes*.
if you don't understand this post, what the heck. its better if you don't anyway, considering the quite unedifying worked up state i'm in now, this is probably not a very worthy read. argh.
Lord, please please please grant me more understanding and patience!
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